2019 was a crazy year for me. I honestly don’t remember much of what happened before April.
The start of April was when I went to the hospital and spent the next 4 weeks in and out of the hospital as they ran numerous tests before finding a tumor in my small intestines. It felt almost as if, the surgery date became my own new start to the year. Day 1. April 29th, 2019. A new day, of not knowing what would come after. Acceptance. Waiting to find out if I had cancer or not. That is an indescribable place to be. And then finding out I had a clean bill of health, the surge of gratitude and relief that pumps through your blood is unlike anything else I have felt. It’s a lot to process, and often it can make you want to isolate yourself from others feeling as though they may not understand the trauma you have just lived through.
Luckily, I was born with a mind that always sees the glass half full. But I would also describe myself as an realistic optimist. And I knew moving forward throughout the rest of 2019 would be about learning how to manage anxiety, stress and balancing work in a way that would not set me back. To me, I knew that what mattered more than anything else was feeling good in my body and mind. Finding peace in my daily life. So a lot of 2019 was about really delving into meditation practices. Meditation got me through the times when I was awaiting pathology results. Meditation got me through the dark moments of life in and outside of the hospital. The rest of the year, I was ready to slowly but surely find a way to paint the visuals I would use in meditation.
Let me break it down in simple terms for those who feel they do not understand meditation, or don’t think it will work for them because they don’t know how to quiet their mind or sit still. There is no specific way to practice meditation. So don’t box yourself into thinking it’s just you sitting there for 30 minutes and not allowed to think about anything. For me, I have found that although meditation does require you to be still it doesn’t have to be this rigid, torturous thing. It can be one of the most relaxing things you can do. And in fact, whenever I have done it I almost didn’t want to break from it, because it began to feel like I was in another realm full of peace, safety, acceptance and love. Meditation can truly get you into a deeper sense of yourself and your connection to a higher power. Whatever that power may be, that is for you and you alone to decide.
Here is how I have started to implement meditation into my life. Maybe it will help you. I find that after a yoga session is a great time to transition to it. Or after a heartfelt prayer, a long walk outside, a hot bath or writing in my journal. Meaning, it’s a good idea to have a relaxing, peaceful exercise to already slow down your heart rate and allow you to transition to a peaceful meditation.
Then create a very comfortable and serene ambiance. Light a few candles, put on a soft, quiet playlist with meditation music playlist (youtube has very specific ones you can listen to for hours that I like) Try to keep the light warm, and soft. Wear very soft, comfortable clothes-nothing too close to your body that feels restrictive. The goal is to act like you’re walking into your own spa! It truly can feel like a form of self-care like no other. Then lay flat on the ground preferably with your favorite pillow. Then spend a few minutes taking in deep, slow breaths. Don’t rush this part. Focus on the fact that you are breathing and it feels good to you. Every breath you take in, let it fill your body with good, healthy thoughts. And each exhale, let any negative stress or tension be released with it. Notice where you are holding tension, and release it. I hold mine in my jaw, so I try to soften all the muscles there and release the clench I hold onto unintentionally.
My meditation became about visualizing my body being healthy. I would imagine flowers, in soft transparent colors floating inside my body and mind. I would think about them flourishing in the areas that now had scars. I would imagine the love that I felt from others in my life would come into my mind and body and recharge me in a way that other things could not. From my head to toe I would scan my body and remind myself of every good thing each of my body parts has done and given to me abundantly. Fill your mind with gratitude for every area of your body that has served you well. Respect it. Thank it. Odds are your body has been good to you despite you occasionally mistreating it, or taking for granted for the miraculous machine it is in your life. And your body will take in what you feed it. Mentally more so than you can possibly fathom. So feed it with grateful, beautiful, positive thoughts.
I think the point is, there is no specific right or wrong way to meditate. It’s really about slowing down, and tuning into your body and spirit and letting go of your stress, anxiety and fears. It’s a time to be grateful. Even for something as small as breathing in and out. Even 10 minutes can feel amazing. (Think of all the wasted time we spend scrolling for 10 minutes or more, when we could be easily doing something better for our mental health.) And I love that you can truly do it any time of day or night. IT’S FREE for crying out loud! haha. Before bed or early morning are really great times to utilize it. And there are some guided meditations I found in Ask and it is Given, by Jerry & Esther Hicks that I love and would highly recommend. I found it has really help me combat bouts of PTSD. When I feel super stressed out, I will immediately drop everything I am doing, go on a walk without my phone and come back and do a yoga and mediation session. It just feels like a tool we can all step into more. Meditation feels like the exact type of healing I have been looking to have in my life. I of course love my Doctors, and doing ALL THE THINGS to keep me balanced and healthy. But I had no idea how much meditation would become a part of my life and make me feel so much more peace and gratitude. Being grateful even when I was sick, was hard but when I got to that headspace my life became infinitely better.
Sending you the best wishes to 2020! I hope this inspires you to take a few minutes and try it out for yourself. Would love to hear your feedback :)
