From 1 Etsy shop sale to 10,000. Let's talk about the in between.

The in-between. The gap. The part no one really talks about a whole lot. The hard part. The learning curve. The trial and error. The mistakes. The setbacks. The failures. The days where you question yourself to no end. Those times when you feel overwhelmed with discouragement and just want to give up.

I’ve probably felt that way about 2,347,895 times in my daily journey to fulfilling my dreams. I don’t think you ever reach a point in your career or life where you feel like it can’t all just be taken away from you. That’s living with vulnerability and it’s hard.

I have days where I feel on top of the world! Where I feel so excited, so confident so full of energy with my artwork. Then I have days where I question it all. And I just feel like a stinky turd! haha.

One of last year’s best selling prints in my shop, Southern State of Mind.

The days where I hear, “We’ve decided to go in another direction” or “We don’t have a budget for artist work” or “They went with another artist.” Those days can be quite hard for me.

That is what I call the in-between days. The days where it goes from you having motivation, dreams, goals… and then boom you get hit with a tough rejection on a job you wanted, or a freelance project turns sour, or you aren’t landing work. And it feels so isolating and easy to feel like it’s time to just call it quits and go find a safe, secure, steady line of work. I didn’t get to the other side of my dreams without countless in-between days. I try really hard to share those days with my followers on Instagram. To be open about maybe I felt sad on this day because I didn’t get a job I really wanted. And it made me question, “Am I fooling myself with thinking I deserve a place there?”

For every in-between day I know it will be followed by a day of break throughs. Of hopeful opportunities and excitement. I work hard knowing, that my dreams are big and so the times when I am faced with adversity and resistance are just testing me to see how bad I want it. How much I am willing to believe in my self and stay dedicated to the path I am on? I’ve found out I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.

My World Maps became my best sellers for years in my shop.

My 1st Etsy shop sale was a break through for me. I made $20 selling a sketch. I know, $20. But that $20 at that point in time felt like a $1000. When you are an artist you are told your whole life, you’ll be starving, you’ll never amount to any success and even if you do it will be long after you are dead. Nice messages to hear constantly right? And yet somehow, that never stopped me from wanting to be an artist. In fact, I knew I would be one. That has been such a guide to me my whole life. Not listening to others and staying true to my convictions.

Simplicity, a brand new print in my shop that is quickly gaining popularity. I love having new work do well. It encourages me all the time.

I had a slow, sales the first year or two in my Etsy shop. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. And my life was constantly changing as I moved states and was in a bad place in my relationship at that time. Slowly I started to devote more time to my creativity. I saw it as a gift to myself. That I was doing something that I knew, I would regret not giving my full attention and passion to. I remember coming home after shipping a few orders and thinking, “I wonder if I started shipping many orders everyday?” It was like this glimmer of hope in my mind. I was flirting with the possibilities of what could go right in my life.

It wasn’t too long after that that I was shipping multiple orders daily. In 2012 when I sold more than 6 figures income of artwork…I knew in my bones that my life was changing. I didn’t even realize how much money I was making. I was just happy to be creating and shipping. Then I saw the stats in my shop and was blown away. It was an omen. I felt extremely hopeful. And then the beginning 2013 I got a divorce. So as my career skyrocketed, my decade long relationship failed. It had been a long time coming, so I was grateful that I could lean on my art to not only help me emotionally express myself at that time but to monetarily pay for a life on my own for the first time.

My shop has evolved. Some years I haven’t been as fully devoted to it, because much of my career the last 5 years has been about illustrating for branding & editorial work. Stuff that I have always dreamed about doing. It’s challenging and demanding work, but it has allowed me to grow profoundly. Balancing my shop sales with licensing, and freelance work has been my day-to-day life as an illustrator and I love it. I am learning to slowly let go of trying to do it all, as I am now working with an agency to help with all the day-to-day stuff I don’t want to handle anymore.

But at the end of the day, my shop is what grounds me. Every small sale has lead to bigger things happening. Each person who purchases and leaves a note, or tells me they are loving a new series of work and can’t wait for it to enter my shop really allows me to feel at one with myself. I get to create what I want. No one tells me to change a damn thing. When I paint for myself, and share that work in my shop it ALWAYS has a positive effect on my life and the lives of others. My shop is about complete creative control and self expression. It’s opened more doors than I can even comprehend. It has been the platform for me that has truly changed the trajectory of my life. To reach 10,000 sales last week means more than I think I can process right now. I cannot thank everyone who has supported my shop all these years. You have no idea, what it means.

I hope you’ll see that I started from nothing. And I hope it will encourage you. I went from 0 sales to 10,000. And you can do anything you are fully passionate, and committed to. Remember that on the in-between days. Keep running your race. Stay in your lane, and embrace yourself. And enjoy it as much as possible.

Love,

Jess

Dear Wounded Artist

This is a letter I am writing to myself-in the perspective I have now to my young artist self. I learned this method in therapy and also from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. This practice does wonders. I hope that in reading this, you can also take the time to write to your wounded artist a letter.

Dear Wounded Artist,

At four years old there was nothing you loved more than drawing in a quiet, safe space. It brought a sense of knowing that not a lot of other things could. Because it allowed you to feel in touch with your inner most self. Your gifts brought you great joy and will continue to do so the rest of your life. They allowed you to dream, and think of a life outside the one you had. This time as a child was preparing you for the hardships you will undergo.

Life will not always be easy Jessica. In fact, your life will change constantly into your teens. Moving across the country 3 times in the space of 4 years will be extremely rough on you. . You will miss a lot of schooling because of the moves, and the loss of time in school and education will effect how you learn and what you retain. You won’t be the greatest test taker in the world, but that doesn’t mean you are not smart or gifted.

People will be mean to you and call you names. You will be made fun of for your weight. Kids will oink at you and call you fat. You will even hear it from your own family. I want you to know that you will grow up to forgive the people that will call you those words, however much they will hurt you. That will you grow up to be stronger because you have survived bullying and shaming. That it prepared you to learn how to love yourself no matter what you look like, what you do, or how well you do in school. That the toughest things we go through are truly what make us stronger, if we choose to let it. Jessica, your gift lies in you always seeking a silver lining. No one is as good at it as you. And you will learn that throughout your life. Over and over again.

When you are high school your art teacher will see the beauty in your gifts, and she will be a support you to continue working on your art. You will enter a national portfolio review and get a 2 out of 5. This will hurt you. But you must also remember that you have survived a lot of people’s labels that were untrue. You have not let past experiences harden your heart. And you will continue to have a strong heart and sense of self even when your high school times are hard on your spirit. I know you feel unnoticed by many. I know it hurts to not get asked to the prom or on a date. But you are still beautiful, and special and worthy of love.

Your 20s will be the hardest decade of your life. You will want to feel rooted, but you will move to 4 different states in different parts of the country. Each time saying goodbye to friends, family and people you will let into your heart. You will be in a relationship that will test your limits. You will be told to not dream big. You will be cheated on, see very dark things , and you will suffer a miscarriage. You won’t always know what to do. But you will make art. You will find a way for it to save you. To express your deepest emotions. And it will allow for doors to open, your heart to heal and it will offer you a way out of the your old life so that you can step into a new doorway and experience a new way of life with new people.

You will be told often by others that maybe your work is not good enough. Not original enough. Not strong enough. You will use the words to fuel you to be the best you can be. And you will be. Your work will allow for your wildest dreams to come to fruition. Each day you make the choice to be creative is a day you are quieting the negative voices. And you are being true to the little girl in her room, drawing and feeling at peace with her life.

You will continue to be tested for what want. Each time, you stay strong, love yourself and others will be a victory. Remember to love yourself like you would a dear friend or family member. Don’t let the voices of others define you. You can do anything you dare to dream of. Remember that Jessica.

Keep your heart strong as always, and remember to reach out to those in need. Your voice will help many. And they will find you through your work.

Lots of Love,

Jessica

Mind the Gap

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” 
― Ira Glass

This is a quote I share often with students, and budding creatives. And it’s one I want to expound upon a little more in depth. As when I often get asked, “how do you get big brands wanting to work with you” or “how can I make art and make a living doing it?” or “what is the best advice you can give me about pursuing a career in the arts?” I think so often of this quote. All of those are very valid questions…but ones that are hard to answer quite simply. This is one of the reasons I started my blog, I see it as a guide of inspiration that includes the tools and mantras I live by. Not just as an artist, but as a human. And one of the things I always answer to those questions is , “Well I got to work-I made a lot of crappy work in hopes that every once in a while-I could make something good. And then maybe once in a blue moon-something great! I painted 5 days a week if not more. I researched, I read , I absorbed the world around me as much as I could and tried to be as authentic to what I was feeling every time I sat down to paint. I painted when I was happy, I painted when I was sad, I painted when I felt angry or hopeless. I painted when I felt inspired by anything. I paint what I aspire to be hired for. I want to be so good, that my work cannot be ignored. I have faith that the work I do-although seems small on a daily basis and sometimes inconsequential is all heading me in the direction I want to be going. And it is allowing for growth, and for my work to evolve.”

I’ve decided to share side by side examples of the work I have done over the years below. To help you see why doing the work is important. I love looking back and seeing that I have improved. But I also try not to crap allover my past work. I had to DO it. I would not be where I am today, without all the work. Good or bad. It got me here and will continue to guide me.

I think it’s important to remember to focus on progress over perfection when it comes to your creative work. Many things I painted at the time, I felt happy with the progress I was gaining..even if I knew it wasn’t up to the highest of standards. I knew I could always choose to be overtly critical, or I could choose to speak kindly to myself and say, “you did good today kid-you’re trying. And a few years ago you didn’t even have the courage to do just that.” The more work I did, the more I learned and could see clear improvement. It’s just like working out…if you lift weights every day you won’t see results immediately that day-but you will feel them and then with time you will physically see results that will allow you to feel confident which will only propel you to keep moving forward.

So I hope you’ll enjoy the process. I hope you’ll speak kind to yourself. I hope you’ll know that expecting perfection isn’t the goal here. And that constantly comparing your work to others, is detrimental to your own success. So go make lots of work! Do what you love, and I promise you will get there if you stay dedicated and get back up and get going! Also printing out that Ira Glass quote and putting in your work space…is highly recommended ;)

xo

Jess

The Marvelous Art of Being You!

Last week, I had the most amazing experience. A lovely lady who follows my art on Instagram told me she saw my artwork on the new season, of the Emmy award winning show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel! I told my man we needed to go pull up our Amazon account and turn that TV on pronto! 

*Side note: I work with a licensing company who manages the licensing rights to my art and gets it artwork into books, magazines, and film/television shows globally. They do hundreds of deals for me a year-and so I am not aware of every specific deal per se, so many come as a very wonderful surprise. Such as past works that have been on Danielle Steel novel covers, artwork getting into Marie Claire magazines, etc. They get my artwork into Getty Images which as many know is a huge entity. Rest assured, I am credited and paid every time my work is used*

As we waited for the episode to load, I couldn't help but wonder, what artwork did they use? How big would it be? Will it even get a few seconds of air time?? I had no idea what to expect, but my heart was racing in anticipation. 

Dior & Paris painting, set on the stage of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel!

The artwork is in the 1st 2 episodes, the more prominently displayed one is around 50 minutes into the 2nd episode of Season 2. Mr & Mrs. Weissman are leaving Paris, and the scene is dripping with a bit of sadness and romance. They are on a beautiful typical Parisian street scene, and then THERE IT IS. My painting, Dior & Paris!!! Bold, scarlet red, and strikingly large format. Perfect for the scene. My love of French line work and vintage Vogue's is apparent. All those hours of researching archived 50s Vogues paid off baby! (I study every quarter in a library archives Vogues & Harpers Bazaar for hours.) The color story, the rule of thirds, every detail I could see being composed with so much thought and care in the set design. And all I could think was, "Wow. I get to be me. I get to paint what I LOVE. I get to embrace who I am as an artist. And then the world embraces me back. And applauds me for it.”  It felt like the Universe was telling me, "Hey Jessica, just keeping being you. When you are you, and keep believing in yourself, the magic happens. You are worth it. Be prepared for your dreams to come true, and be prepared for them to surprise you.” I felt shivers up and down my spine. I couldn't' have dreamt a better scenario for my art. To have my artwork in Paris, on one of the most critically acclaimed shows, with the best acting, amazing writing, and fabulous dresses, set design and most importantly… the best story of female empowerment-DAMN!!! It all made sense. It all felt completely me, and very natural. It felt magical.

These last 7 years of professionally illustrating and making art-have been the most fulfilling years of my life. And I know without a shadow of a doubt, that my positive thinking, my willingness to paint what I love versus what the market is doing, or what others may tell me to paint-is why I get to do what I do. When I am me, everyone wins. When Mrs. Maisel gets up on that stand, and makes light of her life and shares her truth-she wins. When Susie believes in Midge, even when the odds are completely against them and they still keep going -they win. 

What woman can’t relate to Mrs. Maisel?

I painted that piece back in 2011. It was a homage to my love affair of Vintage fashion magazines, Rene Gruau, Henri Toulouse Lautrec and Dior’s cinched waist dresses and coats of the 1950s. It was also about my dream of someday going to Paris. (I would later go in 2015 when I was working with Kérastase Paris and get a book offer when I was there!!-that's also another GOOD story.) 2011 my life was a lot like Mrs. Maisel's. I was in my 1st marriage-that I knew was not going to make it. I had an unfaithful husband, and I was lost. I wasn't sure how I would leave, but I also wasn't sure how much longer I could stay. My life felt so uncertain. And in that time of my life, I was a closed book to most people. So turning to my love of fashion illustration, and painting allowed me to reconnect to what I was most passionate about. I had a dream career of being an illustrator. It allowed me to imagine that perhaps someday, I could have the life I dreamt of. Perhaps people would love my art, and it would sell and I would work for magazines, and my art would open doors for me and allow me grow as a woman. So everyday I woke up and got to work. I painted hundreds if not thousands of paintings in 2011. I did this not knowing if I would ever sell a thing. I did it because I loved every minute of it. Even when I doubted my self, my skills and my worthiness at times. There was a lot of bad artwork made. But every once in a while I got it right. And when I got it right, I could feel it in my bones. Near the end of 2011 was when I began to see my artwork change. I could feel that I was finally letting go of expectations, I stopped looking at my idols works and comparing mine to theirs, and my artwork was gaining strength. Dior & Paris was one of my lighter paintings. I also made more deeper work, that would got me critical acclaim and opened a lot of doors for me. 2011 was such an important year for me, and I'm so grateful I followed my passion and intuition. Small doses of work everyday lead to great things for me. And it will for you too.

In 2012, that's when my life changed. I made more money than I could have ever thought I would, doing what I love. No one told me that could happen. In school, and in society it was always "oh the only way to make a living as an artist is to teach. Or just be prepared to be a starving artist.” I felt a surge of confidence, empowerment and excitement. And I felt stronger and more myself than ever. At the end of 2012 I left my husband. As I watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, I can't help but feel such a connection to the show and Midge. And I can't help but wonder if the real miracle here is that something as simple as a painting of a woman in Paris- was picked out of chance. I believe it wasn't a coincidence. I believe it happened so I can too can echo the story that Mrs. Maisel is all about.  And that I can share my magic, with you!

Be yourself. Do what you love. Don't give up on yourself. Put on some red lipstick, hold your head high and expect great things to happen to you. Because you are Marvelous! Get up on your stage, and be yourself!

xo

Jessica

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My Top Five Favorite Books for Creativity

I’m keeping this post short and simple. I always always recommend these books to those who need to jump start their creativity energy, unblock any negative feelings or limited self beliefs, just need some good juju!

I start everyday with 20 minutes of reading and about 15 minutes of journaling. This allows me to feel really safe, good energy before moving onto my day. This habit started when I began reading my #1 recommended book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Cameron encourages her readers to start everyday with 3 pages of writing. And anytime I am feeling anxious, or overwhelmed-the morning pages really help calm me down and I can find my inner focus again. So with that said, here are 5 amazing books that all have profound effects on my well being and creativity:

1. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. GET IT NOW.

2. Ask and It is Given by Esther & Jerry Hicks. This one blew my mind. Also, it’s a book Oprah keeps on her nightstand. Need I say more??

3. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero. This is a great book for today’s modern gal. It hammers into you that when you LOVE yourself, you will change your life and what you get out of it.

4. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho-okay I just started reading this one and I’m not even finished and I’m already recommended it. haha. It’s a classic, and I think after reading just a few pages I know why it’s a mainstay in a lot of book lists and collections. Already it’s mantra “when you desire something the universe conspires to bring that to you” is SO SO amazing to me to really think about.

5. Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown. I spent most of this year reading all of Brown’s books. This last one, her most recent book, is very heavy. It’s hard to get through quickly but it’s so vital I think in facing our darkest demons and those really tough issues we are facing in society and also within our deepest selves. I think she really tries to teach us to think more empathetically, which is what I am working hard on all year. Such an amazing read.

Let me know what books are on your Top 5 List! I always need new ones. Enjoy and go read something that empowers and uplifts you today!!!

My Best Advice for Dealing With Comparison

I would be a liar if I told you that I don't feel pressure to compete, compare myself to other artist's or feel the weight that social media can put on us to feel like we are never doing enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, traveling enough...yadda yadda yadda. I'm also bored of this way of thinking, aren't you? It is not productive and it doesn't make us feel good at all. I want my social media usage to be a place to connect, uplift and encourage others. 

I came across a passage in a book I am reading, called Ask and It is Given. Read this one-it's what Oprah keeps on her night stand! This is the most profound thing I have read recently, and when I am in a good place this is usually how I perceive the world:

Some of my latests works have been layered with different techniques and subjects that have always fascinated me.  My focus has been about finding peace, calm and love within. Can you tell? ;)

"Each point of view matters; every request is granted; and as this amazing Universe unerringly expands, there is no end to the Universal resources that fulfill these requests. And there is no end to the answers to the never-ending stream of questions-and for that reason, there is no competition.

It is not possible for someone else to receive the resources that were meant for you, and you cannot selfishly squander resources that were intended for someone else. All desires are answered; all requests are granted, and no one is left unanswered, unloved, or unfulfilled. Somebody else does not have to lose for you to win. There is always enough."

YASSSS! I actually have been writing on my calendar the last few months at the top, "THERE IS ABUNDANCE". As a reminder, that I know when I look at the world with a positive mind set, and from a place of abundance and not from a place of scarcity I receive the things I dream about. I am a better artist and human when I focus on my world, and what I am best at. We all have different gifts, talents and perspectives that the world needs. How boring would it be if we only saw one artist's work, or one singers album? We need everyone to share their gifts and talents. And do it from a place, of knowing there is abundance.

This year my work has been all about focusing on my strengths, good energy and knowing that I cannot take someones' place and they cannot take mine. I have had a few tests on that front, where I actually have told clients or people interested in working with me that I might not be the right fit and send them other illustrators contacts. And when I do that, I feel like I'm practicing what I preach. It is hard, but I challenge you to try to see the world from this point of view and I know that your dreams can transpire too. I will share more stories soon, of exciting things that have transpired in my life when I stick with this positive point of view. 

Working with watercolor, gouache and being true to myself as an artist always translates to break throughs with my art. 

When One Door Closes

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do. We own our stories so that we don't have to spend our lives being defined by them or denying them. And while the journey is long and difficult at times, it is the path to living a  more whole hearted life". -Brené Brown, Rising Strong

Sometimes doors slam shut, right in our faces. And we are left feeling alone in the dark. Doubting ourselves, our work and questioning our faith. This happens to us all-it's a universal feeling. We fall down. And sometimes we hesitate to get back up and stay in the fight. 

As a freelancer, I have to put continual faith in myself, my work and that tomorrow will bring me the opportunities I am working for daily. This is never easy. In fact, it is one of the toughest challenges for creative freelancers and myself. I could easily choose to live in constant anxiety over how I will pay my bills, if my work will even warrant any reaction or opportunities for me. While also questioning if I will be made fun of, and be told my work isn't original or any good. In fact, there are a million things I could spend my time worrying about. Instead of worrying, I have to choose to have more faith than fear. That I am here for a grand purpose. I know that through making artwork, I feel less anxious, stressed, and more alive and also full of energy. I have been concentrating on taking that energy of feeling doors close on me, and not letting that darkness sink in. 

One door that recently closed on me, was a job opportunity I was really hoping would work. I had been talking to the US Tiffany's event manager for months about the possibility of illustrating at live events for Tiffany stores across the country. I was really looking forward to a new year, and a chance to get out of the studio to meet new people and get to paint in person for one of the most amazing American brands! I was visualizing how incredible it would be. I even started buying dresses that I thought would be perfect for it. Dress for the job you want, kind of a thing! 

The new year started and the door for that opportunity closed on me. It really discouraged me. The negative side of me felt stupid for even dreaming that big-and thinking that it would work out for me. I even questioned my talents as an artist, and that feeling of not being good enough was trying to creep in. After internalizing what was going on and what I was feeling, I began writing down what I was feeling. Working out my emotions, and telling myself this wasn't a failure or a rejection. And I realized, that that door closed on me because there is something even more amazing waiting for me, if I am able to just get back up and get back in the fight. It was time to take that feeling of discouragement, and make some art. I knew, and I know, that I will be able to go on and do exactly what I dream of doing-that I will travel the world and meet amazing people and paint for the brands that truly have inspired me.

I sat down a few days later to try to paint. And I was feeling so discouraged. I wanted to just quit, and go sleep. But a voice inside me kept saying, "I promise you if you just stick around and try you'll paint something that will help you". I looked down at my palette and noticed I had so much paint left, that I would be wasting it if I stopped now. And then I thought about using the brush to create faces. So I began-and what came out of it, was a new fresh, energetic way of painting for me. And it hasn't stopped since. Every day I am learning and creating, and knowing that I am allowing new opportunities and doors yet to be opened because I was wiling to keep going. I even got an email from Chanel's PR team telling me they love my work. What more hope and encouragement could I ask for? :) The most surprising thing was the recent artworks have gotten more positive reactions, likes, comments on my Instagram than anything else. Which only encourages me to feel that I am doing exactly what I should be right now. And I am so grateful for the the support I am receiving. 

In fact, I have already booked one illustration event based on these paintings for Jimmy Choo! It's in a few weeks and I'm so thankful for it. 

Starting fresh and doing new things with my artwork is so hard. But I do feel like I am at a point where I need to continue to work in this new direction. I also know that it is pushing me to evolve and really focus on my work and dreaming bigger than ever. So stay tuned for more artwork, and more stories where I can share with you my failures and my successes. It's all to push you to stay in the fight! 

You can check out more of what I'm working on, in The Bold Strokes gallery here :) 

Buy The Desk

Buy the desk.

Invest in yourself. 

One of the most common questions I get asked in emails, DM's and in person, is people coming from a place of feeling like they are not worthy to spend the time, the energy, and the money on themselves and their talents. I have been reading, Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. I highly recommend this book as it really breaks down this concept to a deep and applicable way. I can't tell you how many messages I get saying, "But I'm not sure if I should invest in this" or "I just don't know if I will ever be good enough" or "there is so much uncertainty in pursuing art, how did you do it?" It can be a lot to take in, and feel that energy coming at my constantly. So that is why I try hard to make these posts about how I can be truly honest, open and share with you my struggles and successes.

One of the greatest myths is that successful artist's never sucked, or fell flat on their faces. That their talent took them to the top, and that people feel from the gate that they can't be as talented as their idols so why even try? I am pretty sure that every successful artist had to overcome their own personal roadblocks, feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. And probably got a whole lot of nos, rejections and failures to boot. I'm here to tell you, from the little I have learned, and all the other talented artist's I have talked to, we all had those hurdles. Especially in the beginning. And we still have those hurdles. So why not run the race with me? Why not invest in yourself and fail today, in order to be successful tomorrow? 

My 1st art desk. And my simple, affordable supplies. It felt like the start of something special for me. 

One of the 1st paintings I made on my desk, It's A Black and White World. A few months later, it was published in ELLE Brazil. 

A few years ago, when I first started to get back into creating (read the last post for further insight into my creative story) I was a bit uncertain of what would come of all the time, passion, sweat and even tears I was putting into my work. But I LOVED every second of what I was doing. So I was okay at that point of just striving to get better at my craft. (And I still am-it's okay if I make a million things that people don't care about, I care about it and that's enough). I was beginning to get steady sales in my Etsy shop. It was really allowing me to feel a small pat on my back-like people were enjoying what I was doing. I was doing it all on a shoe string budget. I had not bought anything much-I was checking out books from the library and using very basic materials that were super affordable. 

I went the local art supply store and kept seeing an art desk. It was nothing fancy. But it had a lamp, storage, and a chair. And I had never owned an art desk. Which now I look back and think is so silly. I thought about that desk. I thought about how I could sit down and create on it, and maybe fulfill my life long dream someday of illustrating for magazines, books and brands. And I also thought, "Maybe I don't deserve this. Maybe I'll buy the desk and no one will ever buy a painting from me and I'll feel like a loser for even thinking I could be an artist". These were my real thoughts. Can you relate? Then the other side of my brain said, "Buy the desk. Buy the desk, make the work. People will support you and you will fufill your dreams. This will be the start. Buy the desk". 

So after a few weeks of deliberating, I bought the desk. And let me tell you, that small investment I made for myself, and my talent, was definitely the start of moving in a direction of saying, "Yes, I am worthy. Yes, I deserve this. Yes, I can make great things sitting at this desk". 

So, I'll keep this post short. Buy the desk! Or whatever it is, that you know is a part of your creativity flourishing more. You are worthy of it. Work hard, do what you love, this is your life and you deserve to invest in yourself.

Seeing my map, I worked on in my humble nook of the world, be published in ELLE Brazil was a dream come true. I even had a friend translate it for me! 

I painted a series of city skylines at my desk, and a few months later QVC used them on their coverage of NY Fashion week online, and on their TV channel. 

My desk evolved with me and my career. It continued to gain more paint stains. I feel centered when I sit and create. 

My 1st Etsy Shop Sale & How my Artwork and Life has changed 9000 sales later

“No one will probably ever buy a piece of art from me, but at least I can say I tried ”. I remember distinctly thinking that, when I first came across a website called Etsy that was an online marketplace for artists. It was featured in one my favorite (now defunct sadly) magazines, Lucky. I was working part time at Anthropolgoie, in a new city, Philadelphia. I couldn’t find work in my degree of illustration, nor had I really embarked at all in pursuing it because I was too afraid. I was far away from my family or friends, which was hard. Luckily I did get a chance to volunteer at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I was supporting my ex’s career move at the time, that brought us to this new city. He worked long hours, and traveled a lot for work, and we shared a car. So I felt a bit stuck at 27. I guess I thought I would have done more with my degree at that time. I felt a bit, like I was not reaching my potential at all. And it frustrated me, but I didn’t know what else to do about it. I had to cut myself some slack, because I was trying hard to make my spouse happy and feel well adjusted to his new career opportunity. It wasn’t our first move for his career, and it wouldn’t be our last. I know that as I write this, many people can relate to that feeling of giving up what you want in order to let the person you care about take the opportunity afforded them. You do it, because that’s what you do when you are in a relationship. 

The idea of an Etsy shop, really excited me. All of a sudden, something brought this little glimmer of hope into my life. And because I didn’t have a website, or really any artwork to speak of, besides what I had made in school, and Etsy was affordable it just seemed like I should try to see if I could sell a few sketches. Just to try it out. I needed an excuse to paint and draw more, and it seemed quite natural. So I put a few sketches up.

My 1st Etsy shop sale! 

I had a very low budget, and only bought affordable paper and products to create for my Shop. 

My sketches….were on laser computer paper. And I used black acrylic that I watered down, because at the point I had never even painted with watercolors. It was inspired by a fashion photographer who I admired. Richard Avedon. I started spending many hours going to different libraries in the area. One of my favorites was the Philadelphia public library which was close to the art museum I volunteered at. I would go to the art, design and fashion books and just oh and aww over everything. I would check out so many heavy, art books it was hard to lug them back and forth. But I felt like I had discovered a treasure. It made me want to create. And it made me want to get back to what I stopped doing for a while.  I took my dreams and artwork a bit more seriously as I knew it was a now or never type of situation.  So I made some sketches, and I took a picture, very badly lit of it.  I posted it for $20. And then I carried on and kinda forgot that I had even posted anything. 

A few weeks later I got an email that said “Etsy Transactions: Congrats on your order”. I had to read and reread it many times, to really believe that it was real. Someone I didn’t know, who lived in the state of Washington, bought my $20 sketch! I was SO excited! Somehow that simple gesture, meant the world to me at that moment. I waited of course, for the funds to go through, because I was still a bit skeptical about it all. And when it did, I merrily took my artwork to the post office and wrapped up the sketch and mailed it out. 

One of the various types of sketches I sold in my Etsy shop in the early days. 

A week or two later the woman who bought my sketch even left such a positive review of my item. And I think something inside me clicked, I wanted to sell more sketches. I wanted to make people happy, because making art made me happy and making a few extra bucks would be highly welcome. 

Just a month after I started my Etsy shop, my life changed drastically. I was facing the hardest challenges a human being could imagine, and I didn’t know how to open up to anyone I knew. My relationship was going through major struggles, ones I never fathomed would happen to me. I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. I felt so much pain from the hurt in my relationship and I kept that feeling of shame and embarrassment close to my heart. I look back now and wish I could have spoken to someone sooner, and knew I wasn’t alone in my grieving. And that is why so often I do share my story, or live a more open life because I have had time to heal from it.  I also want anyone to know that none of us ever are truly alone in life, ever. All we have to do is talk, or open our hearts or pick up a paint brush and slowly but surely we will find someone to connect to. 

After a few weeks of the crying I was so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I was tired of feeling the pain. I had worked out, I had written in my journal non stop, I tired to find a balance but I knew what I really needed to do was to paint. I knew that when I painted, I felt less pain. I felt like I had a hope. I felt like I did as a kid, when we moved across the country during middle school 3 times and I had to be the new kid and that terrified me. I wore Kmart clothes on my chubby body and got bullied-but all I had to do was sit down and draw and kids would come up to me and ask me questions and ask if I could make them something. I knew my art, could save my life. Just like it had gotten me through my teen years-which were hard for me as we moved from Virginia to Las Vegas to Tennessee and back to Las Vegas all in span of 4 years. I knew that it was now time for me to create art, as a way to channel the negativity that seemed to encompass my body and mind every day. 

This is one of the first paintings where I began putting hidden meaning into each work. 

At first, I created from a place of wanting to do lots of works that emulated my favorite artist’s and trust me, almost everyone does this in the beginning. It feels safe, because it is. It didn’t take long for me to realize, that I needed to stop emulating others and start painting from what inspired me and what my eye was most drawn to. I made a deliberate choice to close a lot of the books I had been using for research. This was also before I joined Instagram and only posted on Facebook here and there. So I didn’t have as much distractions, or the constant influence of my phone by my side. So making the choice to paint from what’s inside, that’s when we feel most vulnerable. I painted every day pretty much, and I loved it. It felt natural and I felt an urgency to get better. I became a self taught watercolorist. I had not learned the art of watercolor in college as I studied oils and acrylics. I had not only reconnected with my passion for creating, but I had found the right medium for me. It was spontaneous, fast, and it allowed me to not overthink my work, and become more confident in what I was doing over time. All the while, I had a slow and steady stream of sales in my shop and I was getting more leads on commissions, custom work, and I was getting amazing press and traffic to my shop and website

It wasn’t long before we moved to Atlanta. I was a bit sad to leave Philly, as I was just beginning to make friends, but my ex really felt his dream job was here in Atlanta, so I supported that for him. I had faith that a new group of friends, and possibly a new life awaited me in Atlanta. It wasn’t long after I moved to Atlanta, that I met an amazing group of female artists who rocked my world! I met one of my closest friends now, Michelle Armas-a bad ass artist and a beam of sunshine that I needed in my life. These women really gave me a newfound hope. That I could make a living being an artist. It seemed like such a dream! I began really slowing down in my artwork, and becoming more intentional. My subconscious started coming through in my artwork. And when I recognized that, the artwork took on a more powerful and authentic meaning. It was almost like magic was happening, quite slowly, but it made me feel like I was on to something. 

Trees as Veins. The painting that represented the pain I felt inside for so long, but not knowing how to express it to others at that point in my life. 

I continued some major hardships in my relationship. I suffered a miscarriage, and had to get a D & C. The impact of how sad I felt in my relationship, as I knew we both were growing apart and that the tragedies we had faced years previous did not seem to get better. And when I suffered the loss of a miscarriage, I felt as though I didn’t know what else to do, but paint even more. I felt so much loss and sadness, but I knew I had to keep working and processing that pain into my creativity. At this point, my Etsy shop had already become my full time job. I was shipping numerous orders a day, and feeling a sense of momentum in my life that I had never experienced before. I knew that my art was going to become bigger than me, and it would also provide a way for me to leave my marriage and be able to take care of myself financially.  This was the hardest decision I ever had to make. As a woman, at 31, deciding to start my life over and feel like I could be disappointing my family, or friends was extremely difficult for me. But I knew, I deserved a life that wasn’t clouded with the negativity and darkness that my marriage had become. I knew there was something out there for me, that could allow me to live my fullest life and one day share my story of overcoming the odds. 

My Etsy shop continued to evolve and grow with me as a person. I can’t believe I’m over 9000 sales now!!! It seems like that 1st one, was just yesterday at times.  I was able to create artwork that I was proud of. It also opened doors for me, I had brands approaching to work with me that I could only dream of. Target was my 1st big job. And from there, the list has grown to just real pinch me types of jobs. Sephora, Starbucks, Lancôme Paris, Kérastase, Ebay, NYX cosmetics, and most recently the lovely Chantecaille! It’s been a dream that continues to grow with each day. And that is why, I share such a lengthy story. It is hard to just give a simple answer to how I have become the illustrator that I am today, or how my Etsy shop has grown to be such a huge stepping stone in my career. I could not be here today without the support of my Etsy shoppers. From that 1st sale, that brought me so much hope, to the sales I had this year to help pay off medical expenses from the blood clot in my lungs, (see previous blog posts), each sale has felt like such a pat on my back. Each compliment or words of praise, just allows me to know, that the only reason I have been successful at this, is because I did not give up and I took the hardships in my life and worked through them and fought back by making art and staying positive. I also have a lil deal with the man upstairs, that I’ll always share my story with others. Even if it’s for a small moment, I want to be a message of hope and brightness to anyone I cross paths with. I almost lost my life last year, while I was in the hospital, so my goal to continue to share and be more open has become a priority for me. Life is short and fragile, and we need to feel connected and share our messages of hope with others. 

The Tree of Life. Painted while I was healing from my miscarriage. The tree represents how I felt barren and a huge sense of loss. But on the outside, I tried to keep myself put together. 

So my last thought is this, stay inspired by the world around you, share your story, use your voice. Make good art. Your life will be profoundly better, if you invest in your voice and future. Combat the darkness, with the light that is within you. 

Keep Being You: How staying true to myself and art landed my dream job painting for Starbucks.

I was standing in the emergency room at the hospital, waiting to speak with the hospital's financial advisor. I was back to a place that only a few months before I was admitted to, with a high heart rate and a very low blood count due to what we later found was a blood clot in my lungs.

It's always very surreal when you step back into a physical space that created a lot of anxiety, fear and pain for you. I had worked extremely hard to feel back to my "normal self". I also had raised money through two art sales in my shop to pay off my hospital stay. I felt so grateful to be there, feeling strong and having had so much support for me to be free from this burden. It was hard knowing that a large chunk of my years income, as a freelancer, was going to pay these bills. But I also knew, that I had my health and the support of so many helping me feel like it was all going to be okay. I thought to myself, "Jessica...money comes and goes. And you have your life and your dreams ahead of you. You'll be doing jobs you dream of in no time". I took a breath, and continued to wait, while surrounded by people in the emergency room awaiting to see a doctor. I kept thinking about myself sitting there last time and how scary it was. But I felt comforted in that moment. I checked my email, since I had to wait for a bit. 

I received two emails, that floored me. One was from a job I had done with Lancome, wanting to possibly have it reprinted in the September issue of Vogue. And another from Starbucks telling me that they loved my work and were interested in having me paint custom large watercolors for one of their stores in NYC. In that small moment, the timing felt so serendipitous to me. It reminded me, that just as I told myself moments ago....you're going to continue to pursue your dreams. That what I am doing is important, and needed.  I spoke with the team at Starbucks, Daniella & Lara soon after and it was like a breath of fresh air to work with a client I had dreamed of working with for years and years. The artwork for Vogue didn't get published, but I am determined to keep making the best work I can and I will hopefully get published in that magazine one day.

One of the first concepts we worked on. A woman with a coffee landscape double exposure. 

A 2nd concept for a smaller 30 x 40" painting, of coffee leaves creating a woman's portrait. 

The most amazing part of working with Starbucks was they told me, to just be me. They told me they had found themselves in my work. And that I didn't need to think of this job as me trying to find myself in Starbucks. I was astounded. It's what every artist wants to hear. And so we just started off on be the best note. They asked me to come up with some concept watercolors for 2 large paintings for one of their stores in the Upper West Side. One of the paintings would need to be 7 feet long....so I knew that this was going to be a new, exciting challenge for me. Also a bit terrifying. But hey...no risk, no reward right?! They loved my work combining nature and portraits. Which is my favorite as well, so coming up with the concepts was super fun. I had a few days to just find inspiration, and just paint some ideas. 

The final approved mock up design, of what will be a 7 foot long, 4 feet high painting on watercolor paper. 

During the process of creating concepts, as an artist you always feel vulnerable. Once you send your ideas off to your client, you think "Will they love it? Will they hate it?". And you await the reply. The collaboration process can take a few days, or weeks depending on the project scale and time. I worked with the team for a few weeks as we finalized the look of each painting, and the exact sizing and placement in the store design.  Each day was super exciting, and they were so encouraging and trusting. Once again...dream client. 

MIchelle Arma's studio (her amazing work all around my painting). Love that girl. 

So, after those weeks, the new challenge began. Painting on the largest scale I have ever done. How would I approach it? I had a paper roll and a larger studio of my friend's I could crash at night to work on this. I kinda went into it head first. Mainly because I think it's how we all learn best. We just go into it, thinking....well I'll either get it right or not. But I gotta do this! It's worth it! So I channeled my inner Jackson Pollock and set up the painting on the floor. There was a lot of dancing by myself in between waiting for paint to dry. I love to dance and paint at the same time! I also have to amp myself up for projects like this. If you remember Dwight getting ready for an interview on The Office, he grabs the wall and screams, "I'm AWESOME!". That's basically what I have to do. Adrenaline and self affirmations are my best friends when I work on high pressure jobs.

The first splash of color, starting over the paintings in a studio in Brooklyn. 

The other huge challenge, was figuring out how to get this painting up to NYC safely. In the back of my mind I knew it might be smartest to just fly up there with the painting in tow, and drop it off. But I kept trying to talk myself out of it. I worked with Fedex to try to package it as safely and securely as possible. We did a box, inside a box with bubble wrap and insured it to the max. And guess what happened....IT GOT DAMAGED!!! My worst nightmare came true! And we did not have a lot of time left in our deadlines for the store opening for me to make new paintings. I was so stressed, but I knew that I would prob get all the insurance coverage on it, and if I gave myself 3 days...I could make 2 new giant paintings. Mind you, the first paintings I did took a few weeks. I knew I needed to fly to NY and stay in a studio big enough that I could paint in. I really didn't have time to overreact to the situation. I just had to get it done. I did not want to disappoint anyone. And I thought, maybe the next version will be better because I won't have time to overthink, ha! 

I reminded myself, any great project I have done, has been hard. And in the end, I remember the process more then the end result. For me, art is truly about the process. It excites me, scares me, and energizes me. So I used that energy to making 2 large paintings in 3 days. I took a few breaks to my favorite NYC spots...but other than that...I drank A LOT of Starbucks coffee, listened to a lot of rock music and kept my head down. I had the constant support and encouragement from the team. Daniella was amazing to work with.

The last morning, I worked on the painting until it was time to get into a cab and hand deliver it in person. Which honestly was such a great thing. I rarely get those chances to meet people I work so hard with, in person. And it felt so significant to finish just in the nick of time for a job that was a dream.

I will have professional shots of the paintings to share, in the next couple of months. But the store is now open, so if you're in the area just head to 86th St. & Columbus Starbucks and you'll see these puppies in beautiful frames, by Big Apple Art Gallery.

I hope you enjoyed this post, and it encouages you to just keep being yourself and take those risks for yourself and your dreams. 

Using Arches paper, and a mix of inks and watercolor. 

Using a mixture of greens, from an art store in NYC. 

The last night's fuel.